Yoga invites many different types of people to its practice. It particularly calls to those searching to transform their lives, sometimes without them knowing it. My name is Katie Chatham and yoga has been an integral piece of my journey toward healing and transformation. At a time when I was struggling to figure out where I belonged in my community and wrestling with my own sense of self worth and identity, yoga was my refuge. At that time little else brought me peace. A series of physical traumas I suffered at sixteen would emerge from where I buried them deep inside myself and they would spiral my life until resolved.
My whole life has been a journey in trying to figure out who I am. In my high school years, I mimicked the style and interests of close friends. For a little while my identity was rooted in punk rock—black nail polish, dark makeup, checker print everything. Blink182 and Good Charlotte were my favorite bands! Later on, I shifted my interests and became deeply invested in gymnastics. As the years passed, the friendships I had developed through my many interests began to grow apart and I found myself searching yet again for who I wanted to be.
My college years began and I bounced between the party scene and the church world, never quite landing in one arena or the other. After receiving my degree in Prescott, I moved further north to attend Northern Arizona University. I found a community of friends and a church to attend but I always felt like I was leading a double life—one in the dark and one that had an exterior façade of faith and happiness.
I woke up in jail again…this time, I wasn’t surprised. This was now a familiar place.
After completing my education, I moved, feeling driven to help start a ministry for college students. I poured myself into this role, ignoring the heartache and misery I had been burying for now close to a decade. For a time, it looked from the outside like I had life somewhat together but it became clear that I really wasn’t able to cope with the traumas from my teens and my drinking got out of control. Blackouts became commonplace. I’d often wake up and have no recollection of where I’d been or what happened. After a time, I moved again in a vain attempt to outrun what was beginning to feel like a very messy life. By that time, I really had no idea who I was anymore. All I knew was that I wanted to be drunk at all times.
I spent a week at an outpatient program for trauma survivors and began the process of peeling back the layers of maladjusted behavior in my life. Although I was beginning to look inward, I wasn’t done causing wreckage in my life. By 2017, I’d racked up a few nights in the drunk tank, acquired some embarrassing charges on my record, ruined most of my relationships in my life, had no job and I’d put my body through hell. In the early morning hours of August 4th that same year, I woke up in jail again. But this time, I wasn’t surprised I was there again, this was now a familiar place. I realized in that moment I couldn’t keep doing my life the way I had been. I needed help. I reached out to family and in a matter of hours, moved home and got into treatment.
I had sought out yoga classes before and while I was in treatment, I begged to attend hot yoga classes. Once permitted, I attended as many Vinyasa classes as I could. I was actually finding therapy on my yoga mat. This felt like a gift to me. I began to experience so much release and true validation after practice. I could see my pent-up stress and trauma in pools of sweat on my mat. In the practice of yoga, the mind-body connection is fundamental and I had been internalizing everything. For me, beginning to tap into those areas where trauma, sadness, joy and love were trapped in my body was the beginning of a process of healing and letting go. The more I’d practice, the more layers I began to shed. I finally began to find myself.
This healing and self-discovery began on my mat in yoga classes and has led me to become a certified yoga instructor. Today, alcohol no longer has a place in my life and I no longer feel the need to escape from hardship or run from my life or myself. I can absolutely accept that saying, “everywhere I go, there I am,” and I am happy with the version of me that I am met by today. I am beginning to love and accept the human I was created to be and to let go of any desire to be something I’m not. To stay healthy and connected to myself, I roll out my yoga mat to practice or teach yoga every day. Yoga has been a huge part of allowing me to feel a part of something, a sense of belonging and acceptance of the journey I will forever be on. It is my deepest desire that through yoga others will find what I’ve found.
If you or someone you know needs help with a substance abuse issue, call 211 or visit 211.org for cost-free resources.
