Women are known master communicators. We can win almost any argument and convey just about any message with skillful language. Some researchers suggest that women’s verbal abilities are more developed due to its need from primitive days where communication was used to survive and befriend. Men used fewer and shorter verbal ques when hunting; not much time to chit chat when you’re being chased by a wooly mammoth! Women also needed to communicate with children whom, as you can imagine were probably throwing tantrums and to them, our primitive mothers would calmly say, “I can’t understand you when you’re crying, use your words.”
In modern day, women are still skilled at verbal communication but I question the effectuality of our modern verbiage. Our success driven culture has created a slew of intense words to encourage women to also take the wooly mammoth by the trunk and “slay” it but is there a real need for aggressive words to motivate ourselves and others?
We all wish we could embody Olivia Pope from Scandal when she walks out of a room in a fiercely fitted suit announcing, “it’s handled” but do our fight or flight words add pressure to our already demanding lives? This new big talk’ rhetoric may be an overcompensation for our feelings of not doing enough at the push of a button. Words are meaningful and can become labels in our psyche and possibly manifest negatively in our daily lives. Perhaps, it’s time to start using our voices more wisely. See if you use the popular slang below and how it may affect your life.
Killin’ it
This phrase is often used to caption an Insta shot of someone working out with beads of perspiration to prove it. It’s also become a common line in the workplace accompanied by a high five after a great meeting. Moms are hashtaging it after a productive day at work followed by preparing a ‘killer’ meal for the family. High fives for everyone around on mastering their day but what happens when we don’t deliver on that deadline at work or aren’t able to do the whole work/life balance thing? We may need to ask ourselves if we feel defeated on such days, since we talked up our previously awesome day and declared we were killin’ it. If we didn’t kill it, does that now mean the opposite with, did we get killed instead? Changing the words to “I did well today” sounds a bit boring but with a little creativity we can fine tune our words to less aggressive terms, helping us accept our humanness in spite of setbacks.
Slay
Similar to killin’ it, this word also suggests an all or nothing approach to situations. There are wars and violence erupting on every continent, do we need to further talk about slaying? In our approach to declare our intentions with minimally threatening tasks like finishing up a report for work or making it through an intense hot yoga class, we may be losing perspective on our actual reality. We are not seeking refuge from oppressive kingdoms in our daily lives (at least, not in this kingdom) so, why create false hostility? We aren’t exactly “slaying” any dragons here.
Boss Lady/Boss Bae
Nothing wrong with being the boss or a lady but there is something wrong with what many think this means. I was recently daunted with the decision of letting someone go from work and it pained me in every way. I came across other successful females who gave me great advice on how to proceed but many were quick to remind me to be a “boss lady” by suggesting I “toss” the inefficient employee. I hope in our aim to break through the glass ceiling we don’t forget to be empathetic and not treat people as disposable. The best boss lady would be one people respect and not fear.
Smash it/Crushin’ it
“Don’t sweat it, you’ll smash it.” These are encouraging words but like the rest they too infer we need to not just finish or succeed at a thing but destroy it; crush it like a bug! I’ve started to use the word “check it” when encouraging others, the way we check things off a to do list. No need to smash anything, just check it off and if you aren’t able to maybe, you can be easy enough on yourself to do it another day. Promise, it won’t come crawling after you if you don’t “crush it!”
Beasting
This word evokes fear. I think we can all do “epic” things without being beasts of any kind. This to me is borderline offensive and objectifying. Beasts from as far back as mythology suggest danger and destruction. People in ancient times didn’t tell their friends that the beast was coming over to a quaint dinner in their cave. We are using the word beast to mean wild and untamed but we are also suggesting we need to be outrageously strong and deliver on a task…like devouring our opponents! Can we replace beast with a different creature or a powerful role model? I like, “I’m Michelling’ it” referencing Michelle Obama, of course.
What words or phrases empower you? Share your voice!
2 thoughts on “Are You Killin’ it?”
Hi, I think it’s often a matter of upbringing too, I’m a man but I’m communicative, also favouring synthesis and cooperation to unneeded conflict, though recognizing when there’s a disadvantaged party being manipulated or exploited, of course. I know many which are even more than me and I don’t think we are genetic outliers, there are differences with women and that’s awesome, but it’s possible that different neurological paths can bring similar outcomes due to the plasticity of our brains :). Same for women and what they are attributed as lacking, in theory, compared to men, like math and spatial abilities. We can think about how new synapsis make up for neural loss expanding our mind and knowledge nevertheless as long as the brain is healthy, though a recent, apparently confirmed good news is that neuron loss is not even necessariliy irreversible or set in stone :).
Nice to know your interesting blog btw.
I agree. Even the researchers that suggest women may have sharper verbal skills state this may be due to their environment or upbringing as you put it. Certainly, we can all agree men and women are different but I don’t think there is enough research to back up the theory that women’s communication skills are part of their genetic code. I grew up with three brothers and one of them often communicates far better than most women I know while, the other two fit the non-verbal male stereotype. I think birth order may play a role in the later. Again, tipping the scale towards the nurture side vs. nature. This discussion is making me wonder if the modern lingo (short, aggressive like verbiage) I’ve observed in women shows societal changes weakening or simply evolving women’s communication skills. Interesting topic that could be explored further. Thank you for your comment!